24 Days Until the Mammoth Half Marathon

I couldn't be more excited for a race than I am for the upcoming Mammoth Half Marathon. I may even be more excited for this half than I was for my first full marathon..

Mammoth has always been my favorite place. It's where we vacationed when I was a child and the tradition of going there almost yearly has continued into adulthood. We always go during the summer so we can hike, fish, take pictures and really enjoy the outdoors. 

This year we will be horse back riding, fishing, picture taking and doing a lot of running. It is going to be amazing.

This race will also be the second half of The Challenge, a two race challenge including Mammoth and the San Diego Half Marathon we completed in March. It also brings a close to the first half of my racing goal for this year, which has me started thinking about my running goals for next year..

It may have been suggested to me to not set such high expectations/goals for myself. Instead of doing a 30 day challenge I should cut it in half, the goal being to not put as much pressure on myself or to be as disappointed if I don't complete the goal.

That same night I told Patrick that I wanted to complete 100 half marathons in my running lifetime. He asked me one question- how many have you done so far? 14. He made one suggestion- cut your goal in half.

So I did and decided that I would like to complete a total of 50 half and full marathons in my running lifetime. This only includes organized races that I receive a medal for, it will not include the "dopey challenge" or the 26 Angel Run. I don't know why I decided to exclude these, but I did, so there's that.. 

I have started thinking about my goals for next year, but more importantly I've started thinking about which races I would like to participate in. There are a lot of good ones to do and a lot of new ones I would like to try. I can't afford or commit to a certain number, but I can dream of new and repeat races (like the San Diego Safari Park and the LA Marathon to name a couple). 

I'm so glad that I follow the Mammoth Half Marathon on facebook so that I could enjoy the following pictures. They were too pretty to not share and give an idea as to why I am so excited to be running in this race in June: 

I cannot wait to take my own pictures on the course! Rachel and I have already talked about it and due to the elevation we plan on taking this course very slow. Well, the elevation and the fact that I'm probably going to be stopping so that I can take a million and a half pictures along the way..

Weigh In- Week 1

This week.. well it don't not go as well as I had anticipated. But I can't sit here and look at what I should have done differently. Instead I can sit here and look at what I can do better.

 

The main thing I need to focus on is being nicer to myself. To give myself a break because one day doesn't go as planned. To remember that I'm not perfect and that I am allowed to make mistakes. That I don't need to stress the day before weigh in that I may gain because in the end it all works out the way it is supposed to.

 

I ended up messaging my weight watcher's leader on Facebook last night because I was ashamed and embarrassed that I may possibly have gained the very first week back. I didn't want to make excuses for it. I overate Saturday in preparation for my half on Sunday. I overate Sunday after the half. I really overate Monday. I gave myself a pass for Saturday and Sunday because even though they were high point days, I tracked them and I ate well. Not great, but not bad.

 

Monday was another story that could have gone a lot better. I was concerned about coming into the meeting to weigh in to see a higher number than last week. I was concerned that I would be judged.

 

The only person judging me, was me. And how sad is that?

 

Especially when I could have given myself the benefit of the doubt because this is what happened:

So I stressed about nothing. I need to let go and trust the process and remember that one bad day (even if it is the day before weigh in) is not going to dictate the entire journey. My week started over today. I started over with another 49 weekly points and have only used 4. I've already earned 6 activity points. It's been a good start to a new week and I am going to keep this positive outlook because it is the only way I will see success. And by success I mean even on the weeks that I gain.

We talked about "anchors" at tonight's meeting. Something that will keep us focused and on track when we face a challenge. As the weekly states- "It can be almost anything- an object, a memory, an aroma, a saying, a gesture- that's easy to access." Our leader wants us to use our anchor this week to keep from drifting back to those undesired behaviors.

My undesired behavior is stress eating. My anchor is running (whatever that means in the moment). It could be the feeling I have when I complete a race or a goal that I've put a lot of work into or it could be the desire I have to run at a lower weight because it will be easier on my mind and on my body (especially my knees).

Did you know... For every 1 pound you lose you lose 4 pounds of pressure on your knees? That's according to my leader as well. I've already taken 4 pounds off of my knee and it is exciting to think of what it's going to feel like as I continue to lose.

Another thing we discussed is where we've come over the past 6 months. Most of the people in my meeting have been there awhile, some for many years. I spoke up tonight and said that over the past 6+ months (more realistic to say the past 3 years) I have been starting over daily on my own with a "fake it until you make it" mentality. Then it clicked for me that I know what works and I need to suck it up and get back to that.

That's why I rejoined. It is what I've always known I've needed.

I ended up saying that the important thing for me to do now is to let go of the past. To stop thinking about the fact that I was at goal at one point in my life. To stop comparing myself to who I was back then and to treat this as it's own separate brand new journey. I am not who I was 3 years ago. I've grown as a person and so many amazing things have happened since then.

In the past 3 years I have become: a wife, a step mom, a runner, a homeowner and so much more. All exciting things that I am proud of. In that same span of time I've gained 30 pounds (give or take). You know what's important? The things that I have become.

And yet all I've been focusing on is the weight.

That's going to change. Because there is so much more to me than that number.

Mountains 2 Beach Half Marathon- Race #6 of 14

Race morning started early, as most race morning start. My alarm went off just after 3am and I woke up startled with the fear that the alarm had been going off for awhile.

Thankfully, I had enough time to get up and get my things together. I had already set most of my things out the night before, but I just needed to put a few things together before heading outside to be picked up at 4am.

Unfortunately I wasn't going to be picked up because I had read the text message wrong and I was supposed to be picking Rachel up. We got it all figured out though and didn't waste any time to get to the shuttles.

Our shuttle time was 5:15am, however we were able to get on an earlier bus since we were already there. The start line was a short ways away from where we were dropped off so we made the walk to the start line.

The one good thing about the start line was the number of port-o-potties. There were more than enough and it was nice to not have to wait in line or worry that you wouldn't make it to the start.

Rachel and I started talking about the plan for the next 13.1 miles. We decided that since training hadn't gone quite as planned this past month we would extend our walking intervals and do 30:130. It actually worked out really well and we were able to maintain our pace and use this half as a training run for the Mammoth Half Marathon next month. There was no pressure to finish in a certain amount of time.

The run wasn't awful, however there wasn't much to look at on the course. Apparently the first half of the marathon course is where the views are, but since we start at the halfway point of that course we got the industrial views for almost all of our course. Thankfully it was mostly flat and relatively easy to complete.

I strive to be better about race recaps. To give detail and be witty about the things that happen along the course. The things I think or feel or see. That doesn't seem interesting though, at least not when I type it out. So instead, as always, I leave you with pictures from the race and of the course.

 

 

Our finishing time was 3:00:12, which was right on track for what we planned to do. A long distance training run for us means a pace of a 13:30-14:30 minute mile and we were consistently around a 14 minute mile.

 

The only concern I had before, during and after the race was the pain I was feeling in my hip. I've been experiencing some discomfort for about a week now, but it wasn't as bad as it was race day morning. By the end of the race, and after the drive home, it was a little difficult to walk. Ice, rest and a massage made it better by this morning. There's still a dull ache, but I am not as concerned about it as I was yesterday.

 

It will be something I pay attention to though. I am definitely one to tell others to listen to their bodies. Especially those who are thinking about starting a running streak. Listen to your body. Don't push it too far. And then here I am with a potential injury and what did I do tonight? Well I went out to continue my streak..

 

Mammoth is the next half on schedule. It will be the halfway point to this years running goal. I cannot begin to express my excitement for this next race. It will be in my favorite place that I have been and the sights during the course are going to be breathtaking. I am slightly concerned about the elevation as we will not have an opportunity to train in high elevation beforehand. We are going up a few days before the race and will be able to run a few miles in order to help us get used to it, but I know it may not be enough. But, if we walk the whole thing then we walk the whole thing. I'm just so happy that I get this opportunity.

What Can I Say...

I've missed this.

The blogging. Journaling. Spilling my deepest thoughts out onto a white screen for people to read about. The positives. The negatives. The good, bad and ugly. The successes. The failures.

Everything.

I have not been keeping up with my goals. I have not been keeping up with my weight loss. In fact the only thing I have been consistently doing is running (and the bare minimum at that) and stressing.

It's been two weeks since I've had anything to say. There are a few reasons for this. Stress, no time, nothing interesting to say, embarrassment, shame, etc. I felt like a dog who had misbehaved and knew it was going to be scolded so I come back with my tail between my legs to explain, share and plan.

Yet again I have to admit to not just you, but to myself that I bit off more than I could chew. It's amazing that I can easily tell someone else to take it one day at a time, to pick one goal and work on only that before adding something else, to make it livable and to not take on more than you can realistically do for the long run and then do the complete opposite myself and expect it all to work out.

I tried to do too much and my focus began to shift from a healthy lifestyle to obsessing about the scale and all that nonsense. It was like something changed and I was finding myself sliding back into that negative mentality. The name calling, the fear, the negativity washed over me and I knew that if I didn't make a change soon then it would be the beginning of a very dark path.

A lot has been happening these past two weeks. Mostly fun, some not so fun. I have allowed stress from one area of my life seep into and affect other areas. What is supposed to be a fun and exciting time of buying a house has been overshadowed by this darkness and it has been the cause of a few breakdowns that I am not proud of.

You see, our house buying experience has been relatively uneventful. We decided the time was right to begin the journey, we saw a few houses and then we found the one. It all happened so quickly that my fear of losing the one was intense and it took me awhile to post a picture and share my excitement because I thought that I would be jinxing it.

 



















Since then it has been packing and signing documents. Some stress has come up from this experience as we start thinking about money and the increase of expenses with buying a house, but I tell myself that we have made the budget and although it will be tight until we hit our groove we will make it work. Communication is key during this process, especially with money and the first couple of months are going to be trial and error.

But a tear or two has been shed. Some of them due to us not being further ahead in our packing, but most being caused by my body. When I get stressed, I eat. It's not something I'm proud of but it is a fact. And boy have I been stressed these past two (or more..) weeks. This dark (40+ hour a week) force has been draining and all I can do is try to "Elsa" it.. aka, let it go. It's so much easier said than done though and only time will tell if my efforts are worth it. It's difficult feeling unacknowledged and unappreciated though...

The stress eating caused a pause in my weight loss attempt and some reflection on what I needed in order to see success. I'm not sure why it took me so long this time around, but I finally found my way back to where I need to be.

 

 

I have seen success with Weight Watchers and every time I end up thinking I can do it on my own. Each time I come back with more weigh than the time before. It's embarrassing, but here we go again. To be honest I have a really good feeling about this. I know that meetings are what I need. I have the support of my family and friends, but the meetings are where I am able to get the accountability that I need. I can ask questions and participate. Most importantly, there is someone there to look at and make suggestions on my menu so that I can see success.

What stuck out to me the most was the leader saying that losing weight is 95% in the kitchen. And I agree that this is where I have the most difficulty, which is probably why I'm not seeing a lot of success. For whatever reason I find that I have a lot of anxiety when I am in the kitchen. Heck, I have a lot of anxiety thinking about being in the kitchen. I wish I knew why, but at this point I'm not going to question the why but instead focus on the how. How I'm going to get over it and start to be comfortable.

Until then I'm going to make the best choices in the kitchen and continue to run to workout. My running streak is still going strong and although I might not reach my goal for 105 miles this month I'm doing my best to get there or as close as possible. I have a half marathon this coming Sunday and then next month is the half marathon I am looking forward to the most for this year, the Mammoth Half Marathon.

I'm really looking forward to finding the right balance between being a runner and being a healthy weight. I'm also looking forward to getting back to a better mental place with so many areas of my life- running, weight, work, home, money, moving, etc. It's all falling into place and I'm making the right steps to get there.

I've got this.

What I've Been Up To & Weigh In #2

So, I restarted my weight loss journey last week and here we are and nothing has changed.

I gave into temptation. I lost motivation. I stopped caring.

I am in a one track mind frame and although my head and my heart both want to lose weight, get in shape and be all around a healthier person, my head and my heart are both also focused on something much more exciting.

We are buying a house!!!

It's happening very fast and it's all a little stressful, but so rewarding and I absolutely cannot wait until escrow closes on June 2nd. I have been waiting until certain things happened before posting pictures of the house or really allowing myself to get too excited just in case, but after a good inspection and being approved I am happy to present what will soon be our home...

At this point in the journey we are doing a lot of this:

I have also been doing some shopping for some furniture we are going to need as well as some decorating items we may not need but will look nice. I know that it is all going to come together perfectly. I cannot wait to post before/after pictures and to make it ours.

I've also been doing some crafting in order to make it more "us". I made the following today: 

And I've been thinking of doing this for awhile, but finally got around to starting the process. It's not complete yet, but Patrick will be finishing it up before we move so that it can go up in our room. I took the window that we used as our seating chart at our wedding, enlarged to poster size our favorite picture from our wedding and put the two together:

 

Well, that's what's going on in my personal life. As for weight loss...

Starting weight: 183.2

Current weight: 182

Height: 5'9"
Healthy weight range: 125.3-169.3
Goal weight: 160
Healthy BMI range: 18.5-25
Starting BMI: 27.8
Current BMI: 26.9
Starting body fat %: 29.4%
Current body fat%: 27.8%

I'm happy with the loss the week, however it definitely does not reflect my eating or exercise. I'm not sure that I earned the 1.2 pound loss and I do not intend to make what happened this past week the norm for me. I now eventually it will catch up..

I'm not going to pretend to make excuses for what happened this week. I had no self control at all and I'm actually pretty embarrassed by it. But that's the beauty of weigh in day. I'm cleaning the slate and looking at this week as a week to improve myself instead of worry about what happened last week.

It's going to be a good week too. A lot going on.

Week One

You do what you have to do in order to find success. For me that means writing down what works and what doesn't work to look back on at some point to see similarities and hopefully make changes at some point to show progress. If I have a good week I can look and see what worked well. If I have a bad week I can look and see what didn't work well and what I could work on.

Weigh in is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it no matter what the scale says only because I'm using this as an opportunity to learn along the way.

What worked:
1. Not stressing about knowing/not knowing the nutritional information.
2. Giving a meal a realistic amount of calories when I don't know the nutritional information, watch portions, enjoy it and move on.
3. Pushing through a run (the first mile or two are always the most difficult for me).

4. Having a running streak to force me to get out for at least one mile.

5. Tracking. Even when going over by over 1,000 calories.
6. Packing. Surprisingly giving me a distraction.

What didn't work:
1. Going to lunch at a restaurant that I don't know the nutritional information for.
2. Not going for my scheduled walks at work.

3. Stress. 

4. Pizza for dinner two nights in a row.

5. A cranky child.
6. PMS
7. Going over by 1,000 calories and feeling like the week is over.
8. Not tracking.
9. Daily weighing.
10. Not drinking enough water.
11. Not blogging.
12. More stress.
13. Not sleeping well.
14. Negative self talk.
15. Not going grocery shopping.

The lists could go on and on and on. But I'm glad that I wrote them down. It helps me to see that what I'm doing that doesn't work is a lot more than what I'm doing that does work. I'm not giving myself the tools I need to succeed.

I need more positivity. More structure. More groceries in the refrigerator. More motivation.

Less stress.

It's a lot easier said than done. For all of it. Especially when your head and your heart are not in it 100%. I wish I could find that motivation I started with. I wish it would carry me through. I wish that the results were visible so that it felt like I was actually making a difference on a day to day basis. Obviously I can't have everything I wish for so I'm going to have to fake it until I make it.

I'm not sure what to anticipate for tomorrow. I weighed in daily and my weight fluctuated a lot:
183.2
182.4
183.0
181.2
182.0
182.8
181.8

It goes to show you that daily weighing is only beneficial when you look at it over a bigger span of time. Seeing it on the day to day is not an accurate picture. But, we shall see what happens. And hope that next week I can show more self control.

Photo a Day- April

April 1st: (iPhone)

April 2nd: (iPhone) 

April 3rd: (iPhone) 

April 4th: (iPhone)

April 5th: (iPhone) 

April 6th: (iPhone)

April 7th: (iPhone)

April 8th: (iPhone) 

April 9th: (iPhone) 

April 10th: (iPhone)

April 11th: (iPhone)

April 12th: (iPhone)

April 13th: (iPhone)

April 14th: (iPhone)

April 15th: (iPhone)

April 16th: (iPhone)

April 17th: (iPhone)

April 18th: (iPhone) 

April 19th: (iPhone)

April 20th: (iPhone)

April 21st: (iPhone)

April 22nd: (iPhone)

April 23rd: (iPhone)

April 24th: (iPhone)

April 25th: (iPhone) 

April 26th: (iPhone)

April 27th: (iPhone)

April 28th: (iphone)

April 29th: (iPhone) 

April 30th: (iPhone)