Weigh In- Week 3

Normally I'm not happy to see a gain when I weigh in. Like any person who is attempting to lose weight, a gain on the scale (no matter how large or small) is associated with failure. That's what I told myself constantly and I believed it too.

But, it's happened this time on my third week of Weight Watcher's and when I stepped on the scale and saw a gain of 0.4 I celebrated.

 

Okay, so obviously I'm not excited about gaining, but after throwing caution to the wind and allowing the stress of moving to take over, a 0.4 pound gain is an absolute success. We were at the house all weekend until it was too dark to paint anymore and the choices were simple... Fast food or fast food. Of course I could have made better choices and I could have chosen my weight loss over the stress, but I didn't and there's that. Maybe I'll have learned something from this..

 

In all honesty, it pushed me to get back to tracking and to making better choices. I can't say how the rest of the week will go. I know that I'm already stressing, but it's going to get worse as the week progresses. I took Friday off of work and although I have a doctors appointment for my hip (more on this later) I plan on spending the rest of the day finishing up the packing at the apartment and continuing to work on unpacking the house.

 

Speaking of the house... More progress!

Imagine this without the paint cans..

 

 I am getting so excited for Saturday when the furniture comes! Until then I'm going to continue to unpack. My goal for tomorrow is to get the patio and porch set up as best as possible since we are hosting Father's Day at our house on Sunday. I also want to start the kids rooms so that I can finish those up on Friday.

There's still a lot to do, but it will get done in time. My family is already aware that the house will not be unpacked and are not expecting anything other same food, family and a good time together. Patrick and I have always been the kind to be 100% unpacked fast, so I don't see this being any different.

I will tell you that the more we get done the more it feels like our home. Staying there 24/7 will be strange at first, but in no time at all we will get used to it all and it will really feel like our home and our personalities will shine through.

I wouldn't have been able to get through this move without my husband though. He has been my rock and is always there when I start stressing about how much we have left to do. We are both getting pretty burnt out with everything we've been doing (as I'm sure our families are too since they've been helping so much), but he has been amazing and so helpful getting stuff over and unpacked from the truck into the house. He's also allowing me to decorate the house the way I want. I am still passing ideas by him, but he has been awesome and I am so grateful for him.

I'm sure there will be many more pictures to post after this weekend!

Weigh In- Week 2

To say this week went better is quite the understatement. Not perfect (and not trying to be) but so much better. I had two days this week that I kind of gave up tracking after lunch, but didn't feel like I over did it. I didn't feel stuffed, I felt satisfied. It was the weekend that got me again and I need to work on that.

 

 

Still, I clearly made better choices because I lost 2.4 pounds this week! That brings my total loss to 3.4 pounds. I am shocked and thrilled. I couldn't have asked for more.

 

It has definitely given me motivation to keep this losing streak going. I'm still going to splurge, but I'm going to remain conscious of how I am feeling. I am going to continue to focus on healthier foods- fruits, veggies, whole grains, etc. I've been enjoying what I'm eating and feel like I'm learning along the way. And, of course, I'm going to continue to run.

 

We'll see what I've been learning over the next few weeks. With moving and a vacation in the extremely near future I'm thinking that it's a good test for me.

Weigh In- Week 1

This week.. well it don't not go as well as I had anticipated. But I can't sit here and look at what I should have done differently. Instead I can sit here and look at what I can do better.

 

The main thing I need to focus on is being nicer to myself. To give myself a break because one day doesn't go as planned. To remember that I'm not perfect and that I am allowed to make mistakes. That I don't need to stress the day before weigh in that I may gain because in the end it all works out the way it is supposed to.

 

I ended up messaging my weight watcher's leader on Facebook last night because I was ashamed and embarrassed that I may possibly have gained the very first week back. I didn't want to make excuses for it. I overate Saturday in preparation for my half on Sunday. I overate Sunday after the half. I really overate Monday. I gave myself a pass for Saturday and Sunday because even though they were high point days, I tracked them and I ate well. Not great, but not bad.

 

Monday was another story that could have gone a lot better. I was concerned about coming into the meeting to weigh in to see a higher number than last week. I was concerned that I would be judged.

 

The only person judging me, was me. And how sad is that?

 

Especially when I could have given myself the benefit of the doubt because this is what happened:

So I stressed about nothing. I need to let go and trust the process and remember that one bad day (even if it is the day before weigh in) is not going to dictate the entire journey. My week started over today. I started over with another 49 weekly points and have only used 4. I've already earned 6 activity points. It's been a good start to a new week and I am going to keep this positive outlook because it is the only way I will see success. And by success I mean even on the weeks that I gain.

We talked about "anchors" at tonight's meeting. Something that will keep us focused and on track when we face a challenge. As the weekly states- "It can be almost anything- an object, a memory, an aroma, a saying, a gesture- that's easy to access." Our leader wants us to use our anchor this week to keep from drifting back to those undesired behaviors.

My undesired behavior is stress eating. My anchor is running (whatever that means in the moment). It could be the feeling I have when I complete a race or a goal that I've put a lot of work into or it could be the desire I have to run at a lower weight because it will be easier on my mind and on my body (especially my knees).

Did you know... For every 1 pound you lose you lose 4 pounds of pressure on your knees? That's according to my leader as well. I've already taken 4 pounds off of my knee and it is exciting to think of what it's going to feel like as I continue to lose.

Another thing we discussed is where we've come over the past 6 months. Most of the people in my meeting have been there awhile, some for many years. I spoke up tonight and said that over the past 6+ months (more realistic to say the past 3 years) I have been starting over daily on my own with a "fake it until you make it" mentality. Then it clicked for me that I know what works and I need to suck it up and get back to that.

That's why I rejoined. It is what I've always known I've needed.

I ended up saying that the important thing for me to do now is to let go of the past. To stop thinking about the fact that I was at goal at one point in my life. To stop comparing myself to who I was back then and to treat this as it's own separate brand new journey. I am not who I was 3 years ago. I've grown as a person and so many amazing things have happened since then.

In the past 3 years I have become: a wife, a step mom, a runner, a homeowner and so much more. All exciting things that I am proud of. In that same span of time I've gained 30 pounds (give or take). You know what's important? The things that I have become.

And yet all I've been focusing on is the weight.

That's going to change. Because there is so much more to me than that number.

What Can I Say...

I've missed this.

The blogging. Journaling. Spilling my deepest thoughts out onto a white screen for people to read about. The positives. The negatives. The good, bad and ugly. The successes. The failures.

Everything.

I have not been keeping up with my goals. I have not been keeping up with my weight loss. In fact the only thing I have been consistently doing is running (and the bare minimum at that) and stressing.

It's been two weeks since I've had anything to say. There are a few reasons for this. Stress, no time, nothing interesting to say, embarrassment, shame, etc. I felt like a dog who had misbehaved and knew it was going to be scolded so I come back with my tail between my legs to explain, share and plan.

Yet again I have to admit to not just you, but to myself that I bit off more than I could chew. It's amazing that I can easily tell someone else to take it one day at a time, to pick one goal and work on only that before adding something else, to make it livable and to not take on more than you can realistically do for the long run and then do the complete opposite myself and expect it all to work out.

I tried to do too much and my focus began to shift from a healthy lifestyle to obsessing about the scale and all that nonsense. It was like something changed and I was finding myself sliding back into that negative mentality. The name calling, the fear, the negativity washed over me and I knew that if I didn't make a change soon then it would be the beginning of a very dark path.

A lot has been happening these past two weeks. Mostly fun, some not so fun. I have allowed stress from one area of my life seep into and affect other areas. What is supposed to be a fun and exciting time of buying a house has been overshadowed by this darkness and it has been the cause of a few breakdowns that I am not proud of.

You see, our house buying experience has been relatively uneventful. We decided the time was right to begin the journey, we saw a few houses and then we found the one. It all happened so quickly that my fear of losing the one was intense and it took me awhile to post a picture and share my excitement because I thought that I would be jinxing it.

 



















Since then it has been packing and signing documents. Some stress has come up from this experience as we start thinking about money and the increase of expenses with buying a house, but I tell myself that we have made the budget and although it will be tight until we hit our groove we will make it work. Communication is key during this process, especially with money and the first couple of months are going to be trial and error.

But a tear or two has been shed. Some of them due to us not being further ahead in our packing, but most being caused by my body. When I get stressed, I eat. It's not something I'm proud of but it is a fact. And boy have I been stressed these past two (or more..) weeks. This dark (40+ hour a week) force has been draining and all I can do is try to "Elsa" it.. aka, let it go. It's so much easier said than done though and only time will tell if my efforts are worth it. It's difficult feeling unacknowledged and unappreciated though...

The stress eating caused a pause in my weight loss attempt and some reflection on what I needed in order to see success. I'm not sure why it took me so long this time around, but I finally found my way back to where I need to be.

 

 

I have seen success with Weight Watchers and every time I end up thinking I can do it on my own. Each time I come back with more weigh than the time before. It's embarrassing, but here we go again. To be honest I have a really good feeling about this. I know that meetings are what I need. I have the support of my family and friends, but the meetings are where I am able to get the accountability that I need. I can ask questions and participate. Most importantly, there is someone there to look at and make suggestions on my menu so that I can see success.

What stuck out to me the most was the leader saying that losing weight is 95% in the kitchen. And I agree that this is where I have the most difficulty, which is probably why I'm not seeing a lot of success. For whatever reason I find that I have a lot of anxiety when I am in the kitchen. Heck, I have a lot of anxiety thinking about being in the kitchen. I wish I knew why, but at this point I'm not going to question the why but instead focus on the how. How I'm going to get over it and start to be comfortable.

Until then I'm going to make the best choices in the kitchen and continue to run to workout. My running streak is still going strong and although I might not reach my goal for 105 miles this month I'm doing my best to get there or as close as possible. I have a half marathon this coming Sunday and then next month is the half marathon I am looking forward to the most for this year, the Mammoth Half Marathon.

I'm really looking forward to finding the right balance between being a runner and being a healthy weight. I'm also looking forward to getting back to a better mental place with so many areas of my life- running, weight, work, home, money, moving, etc. It's all falling into place and I'm making the right steps to get there.

I've got this.

What I've Been Up To & Weigh In #2

So, I restarted my weight loss journey last week and here we are and nothing has changed.

I gave into temptation. I lost motivation. I stopped caring.

I am in a one track mind frame and although my head and my heart both want to lose weight, get in shape and be all around a healthier person, my head and my heart are both also focused on something much more exciting.

We are buying a house!!!

It's happening very fast and it's all a little stressful, but so rewarding and I absolutely cannot wait until escrow closes on June 2nd. I have been waiting until certain things happened before posting pictures of the house or really allowing myself to get too excited just in case, but after a good inspection and being approved I am happy to present what will soon be our home...

At this point in the journey we are doing a lot of this:

I have also been doing some shopping for some furniture we are going to need as well as some decorating items we may not need but will look nice. I know that it is all going to come together perfectly. I cannot wait to post before/after pictures and to make it ours.

I've also been doing some crafting in order to make it more "us". I made the following today: 

And I've been thinking of doing this for awhile, but finally got around to starting the process. It's not complete yet, but Patrick will be finishing it up before we move so that it can go up in our room. I took the window that we used as our seating chart at our wedding, enlarged to poster size our favorite picture from our wedding and put the two together:

 

Well, that's what's going on in my personal life. As for weight loss...

Starting weight: 183.2

Current weight: 182

Height: 5'9"
Healthy weight range: 125.3-169.3
Goal weight: 160
Healthy BMI range: 18.5-25
Starting BMI: 27.8
Current BMI: 26.9
Starting body fat %: 29.4%
Current body fat%: 27.8%

I'm happy with the loss the week, however it definitely does not reflect my eating or exercise. I'm not sure that I earned the 1.2 pound loss and I do not intend to make what happened this past week the norm for me. I now eventually it will catch up..

I'm not going to pretend to make excuses for what happened this week. I had no self control at all and I'm actually pretty embarrassed by it. But that's the beauty of weigh in day. I'm cleaning the slate and looking at this week as a week to improve myself instead of worry about what happened last week.

It's going to be a good week too. A lot going on.

Week One

You do what you have to do in order to find success. For me that means writing down what works and what doesn't work to look back on at some point to see similarities and hopefully make changes at some point to show progress. If I have a good week I can look and see what worked well. If I have a bad week I can look and see what didn't work well and what I could work on.

Weigh in is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it no matter what the scale says only because I'm using this as an opportunity to learn along the way.

What worked:
1. Not stressing about knowing/not knowing the nutritional information.
2. Giving a meal a realistic amount of calories when I don't know the nutritional information, watch portions, enjoy it and move on.
3. Pushing through a run (the first mile or two are always the most difficult for me).

4. Having a running streak to force me to get out for at least one mile.

5. Tracking. Even when going over by over 1,000 calories.
6. Packing. Surprisingly giving me a distraction.

What didn't work:
1. Going to lunch at a restaurant that I don't know the nutritional information for.
2. Not going for my scheduled walks at work.

3. Stress. 

4. Pizza for dinner two nights in a row.

5. A cranky child.
6. PMS
7. Going over by 1,000 calories and feeling like the week is over.
8. Not tracking.
9. Daily weighing.
10. Not drinking enough water.
11. Not blogging.
12. More stress.
13. Not sleeping well.
14. Negative self talk.
15. Not going grocery shopping.

The lists could go on and on and on. But I'm glad that I wrote them down. It helps me to see that what I'm doing that doesn't work is a lot more than what I'm doing that does work. I'm not giving myself the tools I need to succeed.

I need more positivity. More structure. More groceries in the refrigerator. More motivation.

Less stress.

It's a lot easier said than done. For all of it. Especially when your head and your heart are not in it 100%. I wish I could find that motivation I started with. I wish it would carry me through. I wish that the results were visible so that it felt like I was actually making a difference on a day to day basis. Obviously I can't have everything I wish for so I'm going to have to fake it until I make it.

I'm not sure what to anticipate for tomorrow. I weighed in daily and my weight fluctuated a lot:
183.2
182.4
183.0
181.2
182.0
182.8
181.8

It goes to show you that daily weighing is only beneficial when you look at it over a bigger span of time. Seeing it on the day to day is not an accurate picture. But, we shall see what happens. And hope that next week I can show more self control.

Weigh In #1

It's time to refresh my weight loss history and attempt this again with a brand new start. There will be no looking back, only forward from this point on.

 

But in all seriousness..

I'm taking it slow and steady at first, focusing mainly on the good healthy guidelines set forth by Weight Watchers. I will be tracking, running, drinking 6+ glasses of water, eating more fruits & veggies, eating more protein, choosing whole grains and taking a multi-vitamin. I am not making weekly goals at this point other than to consistently track, make healthy choices and eat smaller portions.

I have a tendency to focus on too much at once and I just end up stopping everything at once because it gets too overwhelming. I need to start with the basics and add a little at a time when I start to get the hang of things.

I mentioned before the things that I'm going to start with. I can't quite running because of my streak (and my love for it), but I am going to focus more on what I eat than on strength training right now. I think that will help with seeing success on the scale before I start working on toning.

I'm tired of starting over. I'm tired of not seeing success. I know that I can do this, but that's the thing.. I have to actual do it. I have to put in the work in order to see the results and I'm just not putting my all into it because it's too easy to be lazy and to give into temptation. I'm done trying to make this work, I'm ready to just do it already.

Starting weight: 183.2

Height: 5'9"
Healthy weight range: 125.3-169.3
Goal weight: 160
Healthy BMI range: 18.5-25
Current BMI: 27.8
Current body fat %: 29.4%

Starting measurements as of 5/1/14
Bust- 40
Waist- 34
Hips- 44
L thigh- 23.5
R thigh- 23.5

L arm- 12.25
R arm- 12.75

Starting pictures as of 5/1/14
Front

Side

Side

Back

I'm going to put my all into it. I want to be able to stop starting over. I want to reach my goal. I know I can and I truly don't know what's been preventing me. I am a self saboteur, but at what point do I allow myself to just let it happen without sabotaging myself or going to one extreme or the other. I can sit here and make excuses or I can get up and make it happen.

Setting a Goal Weight

I am sure you've realized by now that I like setting goals for myself. I'm not sure why, since I don't always reach them, but I enjoy having something to work towards. In order to make progress then I need to have an end result in mind. In this case it would be a goal weight to end up at instead of just bouncing back and forth between the same few pounds repeatedly.

It hit me recently that I am up close to twenty pounds from my wedding a year and a half ago. I could dwell on that fact, or look at the other side and realize that at one point since the wedding I was up over thirty pounds.

At least there's that fact that I have lost some weight..

I don't want to sit here and think about how far I've come from October 2012. I don't want to think about how I still didn't like my body at that lower weight or the negative thoughts I've said to myself or out loud in the time it took me to gain that much weight. I don't want to think about what my husband must think. I don't want to think of what impression I've put on my child with the things I have said in front of her about my body and my weight. I don't want to think about the struggle it's been to lose the fifteen or so pounds I've lost already.

I don want to think about the rest of this journey, no matter how far or how long it takes. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what my end weight goal is going to be for a few reasons:

1. I want to be at a weight that is a healthy weight for my height. I was recently measured at 5'8" (although I've always been 5'9" so I may need to re-measure) and an ideal weight range for that height is anywhere from 121.7 - 164.4 pounds.
2. I'm in full force training mode, so the weight isn't going to come off as easy when I'm dedicated to running and strength training, plus I'm still trying to find that exercise/food balance.
3. I know that weight I would like to be ideally, but I don't think it's a realistic weight to try to maintain, especially since I haven't seen that weight in close to 5 years so it's not going to be as easy to get or keep the weight off.
4. I want to be less concerned with a number and more concerned with what I'm eating, how I feel and how my clothes fit.

I truly believe that staying near the high end of a healthy weight range would be easier for me in the long run and at this point in my life I just want to be healthy and not worry about vanity pounds.

So that's what I'm aiming for. I would like to get down to and maintain at 160.

But, in order to do that it means that I need a fresh start. I need to make a clean attempt so that I can stop thinking about the past and what I have or have not done. The successes I've seen and the failures along the way. It's all a part of the process and I anticipate it on this journey as well, but I'm going to be starting and giving it my absolute best attempt tomorrow.

Body Revolution Update #1

I started this 90 day program on April 14th and have been consistently following the program. Well, that's a lie. I have been following the workouts the way she has it set out, but I have not been following the food plan she has provided. In all honesty, that's not something that I can realistically follow and I am doing my best to stay within my calories on MFP. I am still learning how to balance both and maybe that's my downfall.

Week one and two are the same with the workout schedule and it's been a really good schedule so far. It's very different from both 30 Day Shred and Ripped in 30 and I like that each day is different because I am less likely to get bored with the program. The following is how a week of strength training looks:

Monday- Workout 1
Tuesday- Workout 2
Wednesday- Cardio 1
Thursday- Workout 1
Friday- Workout 2
Saturday- Cardio 1
Sunday- Rest

The workouts last about 30 minutes and it's very easy to fit in during the day. The first week I was better about doing it first thing in the morning before I started work, but this week I've been waiting until either my lunch break or after work. The best part is that I have yet to have a day that I have not looked forward to getting the workout done. Normally when I start a workout program the excitement of it wears off pretty fast and I despise the pending workout, but this time around I have actually been anticipating the time I get to spend doing it.

I know that it's going to be getting more difficult next week, but I have enjoyed building the foundation these first two weeks and think that it's going to be exciting to watch my body change and my strength improve.

I made the mistake of taking my measurements after I had already started the first week and made a second mistake in taking measurements again before the second week was over. Since the same DVDs are used two weeks in a row I have decided to update my measurements every other Sunday. I was disappointed earlier this week when I saw that I was gaining inches in every single area, but I have to just accept what my changes are and realize that everything is happening for a reason. I'm making very positive changes to myself, both physically and mentally.

Body revolution start date: April 14th

First measurements taken April 19th
Chest- 39.25
Waist- 33.5
Hips- 43.5
L thigh- 23.5
L arm- 12.25

Measurements taken April 27th
Chest- 39.5 (+.25)
Waist- 34 (+.5)
Hips- 44 (+.5)
L thigh- 23.75 (+.25)
L arm- 12.75 (0)

I know what the problem is and I'm working on finding a solution. Unfortunately I am still using food to deal with stress and to celebrate exciting changes. My food choices are not reflecting what I want out of this. I am starting each day with good intentions and I go downhill quickly thereafter. I am also not completing the entire day with tracking either and that is huge for me if I want to see any sort of success.

My main problem with food is that I cannot cook well. I find that I get anxiety even thinking about being in the kitchen. I rely heavily on Patrick or on easy to make prepackaged foods. It's not a good situation and I know the only solution is to practice in order to be more comfortable to make healthier options for myself.

I'm hoping to see some improvements with my measurements after this next set of DVDs. It's one thing to watch the scale go up when you're strength training, it's a completely different mind confusion when your measurements go up as well.

Perfectly Imperfect

"I didn't do as well as I had hoped."

"Tomorrow will be a better day."

"I'm a work in progress."

"I adjusted my workouts."

"I didn't reach my goals."

"I'm gaining weight."

"I'm still not eating as well as I'd like."

 

I'm sick of saying these things. The problem is, I don't know how to get off of this merry-go-round. Some days I feel like I'm trying like hell to make this lifestyle change and to make it last. Other days the want to eat all the things is greater then the desire to change my eating habits to be a healthier person.

 

So what does that mean? 

 

It means I'm human. I'm imperfect and I like it that way. I'm going to trip up along the way and I will make mistakes. But I do try to make changes and it's sometimes a daily battle. As long as I'm willing to fight that battle, whether the outcome is good or bad, then I am a winner.

 

So I think my mindset needs to change. I am just going to do my best each day. That's something I can easily do. I can enjoy the smallest of victories and get over the biggest of failures because it's a day to day process.

I do still plan on having trip ups along the way and I do plan on sharing them. I'm not going to pretend to be perfect and only show the good things, I do believe that maybe someone somewhere can relate. And no one is perfect 24/7. But for my sanity I think the main focus needs to be on positives and successes. 

So here's where I repeat myself. I didn't do as well as I had hoped yesterday and I am going to try to make today a better day. I'm a work in progress. 

Weigh In #20

Starting Weight: 189.2

Last Weeks Weight: 180.6

This Weeks Weight: 181.4

+/-: +0.8
Total +/-: -7.8

 

Clearly I'm not as committed to this whole thing as I should be. In 20 weeks I've lost 7.8 pounds and have gone up and down quite a bit. This is clearly not intentional but I know that I'm not putting my all into it. On one hand I don't want to be disappointed because I am still down from my starting weight and I do not want to say "only" in front of a decent loss, but over that time period it seems very little.

 

I'm only going to get out of this what I put into it, so it's about damn time for me to get serious about what I want my results to be over the long run. I need to stop giving into temptation all the time and I need to start being nicer to myself and to my body. I find myself slipping back into old habits of negative self talk and it's emotionally exhausting to think those things.

 

I have to focus on the things that I am doing right and the main thing is that I'm not giving up. I'm not quitting. I've had good weeks and I've had bad weeks but through it all I'm still fighting. I will see success and it's going to start right now.

 

Last weeks goals:

1. Track. No excuses, just plain couldn't get back into it after going overboard on Easter. New week and I'm really glad to have that reset.

 

2. Water. No excuses, just plain didn't drink enough water and probably could have made much better choices. Again, new week = reset.

 

3. Do not go overboard on Easter. Did not do as well as I would have liked. Using it as a learning experience and moving on.

 

4. Make workout schedule on Sunday. I actually did this and pending I complete my strength training workouts today and tomorrow as well as quick 1 mile runs both today and tomorrow I will have gone the entire week with completing every workout!

 

5. Take measurements at next weigh in. I actually took my measurements on the 19th and am using those as my starting measurements for tracking during Body Revolution since it's closer to when I started the program. The measurements were actually very similar to the last time I took them so that was good to see. Now to keep improving!

 

This weeks goals:

1. Track. Everything. All week.

2. Water. Everyday. 6 glasses or more.

3. Write down one positive about myself every day.

4. Have fun at the half marathon on Sunday. Do not stress about time.

5. Blog more.

Weigh In #19

Starting Weight: 189.2

Last Weeks Weight: 181.2

This Weeks Weight: 180.6

+/-: -0.6
Total +/-: -8.6

I am actually surprised to see this loss and am very happy with it. I did think that I would see a gain due to the addition of strength training again, but it ended up being a decent week all around, pretty balanced in regards to food and I am definitely happy being back in a routine with strength and running. 

I always feel better all around when I'm working out. I've got endorphins flowing and I feel better physically and mentally. I need to remember this if I fall off the wagon again...

Last weeks goals:

1. Track. Stay in the black more than half the week. I made it, but barely. I went over on calories three days, however two of those days were over by very little (less than 50). There were also a couple days that I had quite a bit left over (over 200). I've already burned over 4000 calories since starting Body Revolution on Monday and I'm still trying to find a balance. I am using my heart rate monitor, so it's at least the most accurate count I can get. Some days I'm constantly hungry, some days I feel like I'm forcing myself to eat and some days I just find nothing appetizing. I don't want to just eat to eat, I want to eat well and get the most out of it. 

2. Water. Still drinking lots of water and feeling great about it. At least 6 glasses a day and trying to do more if possible. 

3. Cut down on sweets. I did indulge a little, but not nearly as much as last week. I truly believe I was eating some form of candy at least once a day every day last week. I needed to stop that and I felt that this week was a better balance of healthy foods and treats.

4. No fast food. I made it all the way until yesterday with no fast food. I did go out, but my goal was no drive thru. After a long day and no food between 630am and 130pm we had to stop somewhere. We ended up at Jack In The Box. I stayed within my calories for the day, didn't go overboard and I'm moving on.

5. Make workout schedule. I did make my workout schedule for this week and I've stuck with each workout. I do have an issue with tomorrow's workout and I'll probably have to shorten the mileage down from 8 miles since my next half marathon is next weekend. 

This weeks goals:

1. Track.

2. Water.

3. Do not go overboard on Easter.

4. Make workout schedule on Sunday.

5. Take measurements at next weigh in.

Weigh In #18

Starting Weight: 189.2

Last Weeks Weight: 182.4

This Weeks Weight: 181.2
 

+/-: -1.2
Total +/-: -8

 

I am having a difficult time finding a balance between eating well and working out. I enjoy working out more and feel like I see more results to my body when I am strength training and I absolutely love to run, but I find that most of the time I waste the progress I've made through exercise by eating unhealthy foods.

 

I find that when I am tracking, eating healthy and staying within my calories then I am usually not putting in my all with working out. And the same can be said for when I am in full workout/training mode. I'm more focused on the workouts than I am the food.

 

It's a very delicate balance that I am trying to find for myself. I know it will help when I get out of the mind set that I need to do this all or nothing. I can workout 3 days a week and see progress. It does not need to be an extreme every time. Of course as I type that I am also considering starting the Jillian Michael's Body Revolution 90 day program...

 

I know for me that I need to set goals. Like tracking every day for a year or doing a workout routine that lasts 3 months. It helps me to stay focused, to feel determined and to accomplish something. If I take a rest day, as silly as it may sound, I fall completely off the wagon. Even if that rest day is planned.

 

I'm hoping that I can get on the same page about both so that everything will fall into place. 

Last weeks goals:

1. Track. Stay in the black more than half the week. I only went into the red one day and even then I stayed under 2,000 total calories. It felt great to see those positive numbers all week.

2. Water. This is the first week in a long time that I drank at least 6 glasses of water every day. I think this challenge at work is definitely helping!

3. Clean out closet and dresser. I finished cleaning out my closet, now onto the dresser.

4. Stick to workout schedule. Not so much, but I have been enjoying my running workouts, so half of my scheduled workout was done.

Workout schedule:

April 4th - April 10th

Friday April 4th: arm workout did not complete, minimum 1 mile interval run completed

Saturday April 5th: Hollywood Half Marathon completed

Sunday April 6th: gym did not complete, minimum 1 mile interval run completed

Monday April 7th: arm workout did not complete, 2-3 mile interval run completed

Tuesday April 8th: strength DVD did not complete, minimum 1 mile interval run completed

Wednesday April 9th: arm workout did not complete, 2-3 mile interval run completed

Thursday April 10th: strength DVD did not complete, minimum 1 mile interval run completed

This weeks goals:

1. Track. Stay in the black more than half the week.

2. Water.

3. Cut down on sweets.

4. No fast food.

5. Make workout schedule.

 

Workout schedule:

April 11th - April 17th

TBD. I am going to decide today if I'm going to commit to doing the 90 day program and will post a workout schedule this weekend.

 

Progress Pictures: January-April

 

Okay, so I'm late in posting my progress photo this month. I'm not sure why I decided to not take the photo for so long, other than being forgetful or not having someone to take my picture in the morning (my ideal time to do this sort of thing). In all honesty, I'm not that disappointed with the progress, or lack there of. I know that in order to see progress then I actually have to be doing something productive to change what I don't like and I really have not been doing that. So, I'm using this as motivation to make that commitment to do something about the things that I don't like.

Weigh In #17

Starting Weight: 189.2

Last Weeks Weight: 182.0

This Weeks Weight: 182.4

+/-: +0.4
Total +/-: -6.8

Clearly I'm doing something wrong here, and I'm pretty much over the fact that I'm not committed 100% to this effort of losing weight, keeping it off, and living a healthy lifestyle. 

So I am committing to myself this week to give it my all. I'm not shooting for perfection here, just progress. 

I could make excuse after excuse about why I haven't been strength training even though it works. I could justify the fact that I'm tracking every thing I eat even if that means I'm going over calories. I can explain that I've been really stressed at work and that carries over into my personal life and when I'm stressed I eat. 

That's not going to solve anything though. What is going to make a difference is what I do about it, not what I say about it. And I've been a lot of talk with little action. 

I need to start blogging more to hold myself accountable. I need to turn here when I've had a difficult day, to vent it out and work through why I want to turn to food. I need to turn here when I have no motivation to workout, to figure out what's holding me back and to hopefully find a small amount of motivation to do the workout. 

I can't keep doing what I'm doing though. Because I can tell a difference when I look in the mirror. I can see myself going back to a body that I didn't appreciate, a body that made me feel self conscious. I've made too much progress mentally in that area to turn around and throw it all away physically. 

Last weeks goals:

1. Track. I did it! I've made it another week with tracking everything. I did go over on calories six out of the seven days, however only one of those days did I net over 2000 calories. Baby steps. 

2. Water. Doing better with this one. I made it all but one day with at least 6 glasses of water. We started a new challenge at work to get in more water, so I am paying more attention to how much I am actually drinking so that I can accurately log my glasses of water each day. 

3. Clean out closet and dresser. If by cleaning out I actually meant adding more then I succeeded. I have a weakness for online shopping when there is an amazing sale going on and I may or may not have indulged in some new clothes shopping a couple days last week. So far, everything that I have received I have loved, so at least there's that. It all fits, I feel great and I am hoping to actually need this new business attire I've got going on soon. It's too casual too often here. It's nice to spruce it up. Unfortunately, there is a pile of hang ups sitting in front of my closet. A reminder to actually go through, get rid of (and not feel guilty for getting rid of) my older clothes that I no longer fit into, wear or like. 

4. Make April training schedule. I have it printed out and ready to go. I am going to be filling it in week by week so that I can work with Patrick's schedule and actually schedule workouts on days that I know they will get done. Things come up and happen (like being clumsy and tripping and pulling your side) but I'm trying to be flexible when it comes to rescheduling for realistic events and not just random excuses.

5. Stick to workout schedule for coming week. Not quite. I did change things around when I made my workout schedule for this first week of April, so there's that. Plus the slight "injury". It is what it is.

Workout schedule:

March 28th - April 3rd

Friday 3/28: arm workout completed, minimum 1 mile interval run completed

Saturday 3/29: 5 mile training run did not complete (did run 1 mile), cross training did not complete

Sunday 3/30: minimum 1 mile interval run completed, cross training did not complete

Monday 3/31: arm workout completed, 2-3 mile interval run completed

Tuesday 4/1: strength training DVD completed, minimum 1 mile interval run completed

Wednesday 4/2: arm workout did not complete, 2-3 mile interval run did not complete (did run 1 mile)

Thursday 4/3:  strength training DVD did not complete, minimum 1 mile interval run completed

This weeks goals:

1. Track. Stay in the black more than half the week.

2. Water.

3. Clean out closet and dresser.

4. Stick to workout schedule.

Workout schedule:

April 4th - April 10th

Friday April 4th: arm workout, minimum 1 mile interval run

Saturday April 5th: Hollywood Half Marathon

Sunday April 6th: gym, minimum 1 mile interval run

Monday April 7th: arm workout, 2-3 mile interval run

Tuesday April 8th: strength DVD, minimum 1 mile interval run

Wednesday April 9th: arm workout, 2-3 mile interval run

Thursday April 10th: strength DVD, minimum 1 mile interval run

So there it is. My breaking point of where I needed to get in order to start to make some positive progress. I think this week is going to be a good one. I'm ready mentally and I plan to go grocery shopping today in order to fill the refrigerator with healthy foods again. I've got this.. I hope!

Marley weighing in.

Weigh In #16

Starting Weight: 189.2

Last Weeks Weight: 179.8

This Weeks Weight: 182.0

+/-: +2.2
Total +/-: -7.2

Okay, so I weighed myself yesterday morning because I was feeling good and I knew that I would be eating a lot for my birthday (lunch out with my best friend, a cake at work, dinner out with the family, cake with the family..) I weighed in at 179.8, the same exact weight as last week.

This morning I step on the scale and it's up to 182.

I'm not worried or concerned or annoyed or frustrated. In fact I'm just happy. I'm happy that I had a wonderful birthday that I enjoyed and that I didn't go completely overboard. I had soup and salad for dinner and enjoyed a small pieces of cake. Nothing over the top or crazy. Just apparently a lot of sodium.

I'm sure it will all even itself out and I'll be back in no time. I mean, a 2.2 pound gain in one day is a little much to all be a true gain. Either way, it is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it now other than work on staying within my calories this next week and to continue to make the best choices for me as well as to up the workouts. I've been slacking and need to get back to it, if for no other reason it makes me feel fantastic and I miss those endorphins. I am definitely still trying to find that balance with all or nothing when it comes to workouts. Hoping to figure that out soon. 

Last weeks goals:

1. Track. You probably won't believe this, but I have tracked every single thing every single day this week. I went over on calories five of the seven days, but I tracked. And, to be honest, it wasn't an awful week. I mean, obviously it would be better if I hadn't gone over so many days, but the point of tracking is to track it all. And I did. 

2. Water. I drank at least 6 glasses of water 6/7 days this past week. I am getting much better about it and am feeling better too. I plan to keep going in order to make it the full 7 days a week. 

3. Clean out closet and dresser. I did not get to this goal this week but plan to soon because I have been doing a little online shopping this past week and need to clear out the old to make way for the new. I have purchased more business attire items because I want to be taken professionally. I can't keep doing the jeans and a t-shirt thing.

4. Work on training schedule. I also did not work on this either. I have looked into Jeff Galloway's training plan a little more and do plan on using this, but I need to sit down and realistically write it out so that it is on the calendar for Patrick to see so that he is aware of what days I'm going to need to be focused on training and will need extra help (mentally, emotionally, physically, etc).

5. Enjoy my birthday dinner. Definitely succeeded in this! I decided to go to Chili's and even though I was planning on splurging (slightly) and getting the margarita chicken with rice and black beans, I ended up going with the soup and salad because I was still so full from having Chipotle for lunch. It was delicious and I really enjoyed it!

Workout schedule:

March 21st - March 27th

Friday 3/21: 2-3 mile interval run completed (3.10 miles)

Saturday 3/22: 8 mile interval run completed (8.14 miles)

Sunday 3/23: minimum 1 mile interval run completed (1.05 miles), cross train completed (15 minutes stationary bike)

Monday 3/24: arm workout did not complete, 2-3 mile interval run completed (3.09 mile interval run)

Tuesday 3/25: 30 day shred did not complete, minimum 1 mile interval run completed (1.51 mile interval run)

Wednesday 3/26: arm workout did not complete, 2-3 mile interval run completed (2.52 mile interval run), Ripped in 30 completed (warm up and circuit 1)

Thursday 3/27: 30 day shred did not complete, minimum 1 mile interval run completed (1.09 mile interval run)

This weeks goals:

1. Track.

2. Water.

3. Clean out closet and dresser.

4. Make April training schedule.

5. Stick to workout schedule for coming week.

Workout schedule:

March 28th - April 3rd

Friday 3/28: arm workout, minimum 1 mile interval run

Saturday 3/29: 5 mile training run, cross training

Sunday 3/30: minimum 1 mile interval run, cross training

Monday 3/31: arm workout, 2-3 mile interval run

Tuesday 4/1: strength training DVD, minimum 1 mile interval run

Wednesday 4/2: arm workout, 2-3 mile interval run

Thursday 4/3:  strength training DVD, minimum 1 mile interval run

Weigh In #15

Starting Weight: 189.2

Last Weeks Weight: 181.4

This Weeks Weight: 179.6

+/-: -1.8
Total +/-: -9.6

I have been off of the wagon for a while now. To the point where when I tried to catch up and jump back on I ended up getting caught and dragged. So, that's where I've been with that.

With my birthday coming up next week I made a deal with myself to not track or do anything special for the next week or so and then I would get back to it with 100% commitment on April 1st.

But then I woke up this morning. I thought about what I wanted, what I needed. I knew right away that what I want is to start tracking, start exercising and start caring about it again. I miss that feeling when you're giving it your all and it pays off. I can't expect to give it 50% and get the results you want.

So, I stepped on the scale and am moving forward with this new found desire to see results. I got a little too comfortable and even though I don't have all the motivation I would like at this point I am ready to fake it until I make it. 

I am hoping that whatever this new start is can kick my backside into gear to get more serious about training. I still have a lot of races coming up and I know I feel better when I'm in full training mode. Plus, it would be nice to see some successes at the end of the week in regards to my goals and workout schedule.

This weeks goals:

1. Track.

2. Water.

3. Clean out closet and dresser.

4. Work on training schedule.

5. Enjoy my birthday dinner.

Workout schedule:

March 21st - March 27th

Friday 3/21: 2-3 mile interval run

Saturday 3/22: 8 mile interval run

Sunday 3/23: minimum 1 mile interval run, cross train

Monday 3/24: arm workout, 2-3 mile interval run

Tuesday 3/25: 30 day shred, minimum 1 mile interval run

Wednesday 3/26: arm workout, 2-3 mile interval run

Thursday 3/27: 30 day shred, minimum 1 mile interval run

Measurements

Original measurements taken October 15th:

Chest: 41

Waist: 37.5

Hips: 45.5

L thigh: 26.5

L arm: 13

L calf: 14.5

Measurements taken on March 8th:
Chest: 40 (-1)

Waist: 33 (-4.5)

Hips: 43.5 (-2)

L thigh: 24 (-2.5)

L arm: 12.25 (-.75)

Current measurements taken March 22nd:

Chest: 39.25 (-1.75)

Waist: 34 (-3.5)

Hips: 43.5 (-2)

L thigh: 23.5 (-3)

L arm: 12.25 (-.75)