Happy Birthday Bug!

This past year has flown by and it amazes me how each year seems to go by faster and faster. It's exciting and frustrating all at the same time because in what feels like a blink of an eye you go from this:

To this: 

So much has happened in the past six years that it's a little difficult to put into words what we're already been able to accomplish together. And yet we still have so much that I want us to do together.

It's amazing that, with time, most of the details of the day you were born have faded and are being replaced with new memories. There are some memories though that will never go away though...

I went into the hospital to be induced at 7am. Sometime before 4pm the doctor came in and told me that I had made no progress and that you would be coming into the world by c-section. I had never really had a birth plan other than for you to be healthy so I simply asked if that was the only way. He said yes and before I knew it I was on the operating table. I went 9 hours with no epidural (a bet I had made that I could do this as natural as possible, minus the pitocin).

It didn't take long for you to come out screaming so hard that you stopped breathing. There are few things I remember as clearly as the following from that day:

The doctor saying "Time of birth, 16:01."

My mom saying "She has hair!"

The nurse assuring me that you were alright. Your cries were so intense that they needed to put the oxygen mask on you. I somehow knew that you were fine though. It's difficult to explain but there was just a calm in me that knew everything was okay.

Holding you for the first time. You were placed on my chest so I could see you. I simply touched your nose and said "I know you.." I didn't get much time with you then because you needed to be taken to the nursery for everything the nurses needed to do and the doctor needed to finish taking care of me.

If there is anything I have learned since finding out that you were going to be a part of my life it is that it is very possible to love someone more and more each day. It is endless how much my love for you will grow and as I often tell you, I love you more than there are stars in the sky. And as you often tell me, you love me more than you love Frozen.

If that's not the highest compliment, I don't know what is..

Our relationship as mother and daughter is a good one. We've had our disagreements and you have definitely pushed my buttons on many occasions. But I think we are learning together what it means to have patience with one another and to grow together. It took me a while to realize that I don't have to be a super mom. I spent too much time caring about what it meant to be a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, a good employee, a good everything and I missed what it meant to just be me.

I'm not perfect, but I am improving. I may yell or get upset or frustrated, but no matter what I am always going to love you. You have turned my world upside down and I could not be more grateful that you are here in my life. I'm looking forward to seeing what else we have left to discover together. To all of the adventures we have left to experience.

I love you, bug. To the moon and back because you are my sunshine.

First birthday:

 Age 5:

"I am so excited for tomorrow it's my birthday I'm six! (6)"

Age 6: (If the photos from this morning are a factor to what the coming year is going to be like.. It's gonna be a good year!) 

Mileage Update #8

(I'm a little behind schedule this week...)

Mileage update:

Monthly mileage goal: 105 miles

Monthly mileage as of 3/11: 47.48 miles

Yearly mileage goal: 1250 miles

Yearly mileage as of 3/11: 315.23 miles

25.21% complete

Total mileage recorded to date (1/1/12-3/11/14): 2066.39 miles

Running streak goal: 500 days

Running streak: 142 day

This week's mileage: 31.72 mile week

Wednesday- 1.34 mile walk, 2.06 mile walk, 2.41 mile interval run

Thursday- 2.38 mile interval run

Friday- 1.02 mile interval run

Saturday- 1.31 mile interval run

Sunday- 13.22 mile interval run

Monday- 1.34 mile walk, 2.04 mile interval run

Tuesday- 1.32 mile walk, 2.05 mile walk, 1.23 mile interval run

Pictures from this week: (sorry if there are repeats!)

Progress

This is not the easiest thing for me to post.. But I think it's pretty necessary for where I am at in this journey.

May 2013                                                                     March 2014

I am not where I want to be, but I'm also a lot farther than where I was. As I mentioned yesterday at my weigh in, I'm going to choose to focus on how far I've come and not how far I have left to go.

Since I am focusing on the progress I've made, I thought it would be a good idea to go back to one of my original starting pictures (from one of the multiple times I have started over).

Surprisingly, the photos on the left from May of 2013 are from when I weighed 181.8 pounds. No lie.

The photos on the right are from a couple days ago. March 2014. I weigh 181.4.

There is a 0.4 pound difference in these photos. Once again proof that the scale has no bearing on what you look or feel like. I feel healthier, I feel more physically fit, I feel so much more confident.

I am shocked at the difference I have made in 10 months, even if my weight has only changed by less than half a pound. I am excited to see what changes I have left to make on this journey. I think it's important to take progress photos so that when you are having a hard time seeing progress elsewhere you can look back to where you started.

When you see yourself every single day it's hard to notice the changes that are happening. Sometimes I still have days where I feel like the girl on the left. Just starting out, having a difficult time fitting into her clothes. Most days I feel like the girl on the right. The one who holds her head up high because she knows that she has made some amazing changes to her lifestyle.

I showed Patrick the pictures and he couldn't believe the changes either. Again, I truly believe it's because he sees me every day. He does his best to be supportive without saying the wrong things. It's difficult to compliment someone on their weight loss. It's a sensitive subject. Instead he focuses on my dedication and especially to what I am accomplishing physically with running. When he saw these pictures he told me that he was proud of me for everything I've accomplished to become a better, healthier, more confident person.

You know what?

I'm proud of me too.

Weigh In #13

Starting Weight: 189.2
Last Weeks Weight: 180.6
This Weeks Weight: 181.4

+/-: +0.8
Total +/-:  -7.8

Last Weeks Goals:

1. Track. Everything. Everyday. (hey, it will happen one of these weeks): I did really well tracking most of this week. But I fell off the wagon a little in the middle of the week and didn't even try to get back on. I let myself have a free for all and now I feel horrible about it both physically and mentally. I'm frustrated with myself for reaching a milestone two weeks ago and then letting it slip away because I did not have enough self control to eat healthy and use portion control. I know I will get back there and I'm now done focusing on the could have, should have, would have. This is where I'm at now and it's up to me to find a way to get back to where I want to be.
2. Find a better way to track water. Start small, 6 glasses a day: I did well with tracking up until the same time that I stopped focusing on tracking food. I was getting at least 6 glasses of water a day with some days being closer to and/or over 10 glasses. I stopped tracking though, so I don't actually know if I made it the whole week. Does anyone have a system they use that works?
3. Stick to workout schedule: I didn't quit stick to the schedule and have already stopped the NMTZ Challenge. What is wrong with me??? It's like I set myself up for failure when all I want is success.. I didn't get in the full 5 miles this weekend in one day because I had too many excuses not to. But I did get 2.04 miles on Saturday and 3.51 miles on Sunday. That counts, right?
4. Be self confident and own it: I have seen a tremendous difference in my self-confidence since starting to lose weight this time around. I have been focusing so much more on how I am feeling and less on what I weigh. I am also focusing on measuring success in different ways and not just based on the number on the scale. I have read too many articles (and experienced myself) about the scale being a liar and not the best tool to measure success or even progress. There are so many factors that can affect the scale one way or the other, and although it is a tool and can be helpful to reach certain goals, it's not the only tool and it doesn't tell the whole story.

The last few times I tried to lose weight I became obsessed with the scale and with seeing that number go down. It affected me to the point of questioning my self worth based on what the scale said. If I lost then I was able to do a happy dance and my whole life was validated because I saw success. If I gained then I would look at myself in the mirror and question everything. I honestly don't believe I saw the real me in the mirror, but a version of myself that was unacceptable in every possible way.

I decided for a while to put the scale away. To not care what I weighed and instead focus on how I feel. If I was hungry, I ate. Simple as that. I listened to my body and stopped eating when I was satisfied. Not full, not stuffed, satisfied. Unfortunately, this brought on more weight and although I was feeling better about myself for the first month or so it was showing that I was gaining weight and by the second month I was becoming frustrated with myself. My clothes wouldn't fit and it was affecting my marriage.

I don't know what happened or why it happened when it did, but in the middle of December I decided that I wanted to start the habit of tracking, portion control and making healthy choices overall. I was already in the middle of my running streak and had the daily exercise taken care of. At that point I was mainly focused on the eating. I had gained a lot of weight when I was training for my first marathon and since I had huge goals for 2014 and 2015, I wanted to get down to a healthier weight to make it easier to achieve these goals. The holiday's seem like the worst time to start trying to lose weight, but I viewed it as a challenge and ended up losing close to 6 pounds before the new year. The losing streak continued for 5 weeks before I saw my first gain and the yo-yoing of my weight began again.

 

I may not be where I want to be weight-wise. I may not be where I want to be measurement-wise. But I'm making progress and I'm trying my best to focus on that instead of where I want to be. I need to stop looking at what I have left and look at what I've already done. I'm becoming a better version of myself and not because I weigh less or have smaller measurements but because I am seeing who I really am in the mirror and because I am holding my head up higher with each passing day. I am who I am, whether I weigh 181.4 or 160 (my current "goal weight") has no bearing on who I am as a person.

 

 

 

Workout Schedule:
March 2nd - March 8th
Sunday: long distance run- 5 miles did not complete (I did get in 3.5 miles though to make a total of 5.5 for the weekend), NMTZ challenge completed
Monday: streak completed, NMTZ challenge completed
Tuesday: streak completed
Wednesday: streak completed, NMTZ challenge completed
Thursday: streak completed, NMTZ challenge completed, gym completed
Friday: streak completed, NMTZ challenge did not complete
Saturday: streak completed

This weeks goals:
1. Track
2. Follow workout schedule
3. Do not go overboard at birthdays

Workout schedule:
March 9th - March 15th
Sunday: San Diego Half Marathon
Monday: streak
Tuesday: streak
Wednesday: streak
Thursday (Patrick's birthday): streak
Friday (Isabel's birthday): streak
Saturday (Isabel's birthday party): Hope4Kids 5K

Get in two strength training sessions (using any DVD I choose) and one cross training session at the gym of a minimum of 30 minutes.

Measurements

Original measurements taken October 15th:

Chest: 41

Waist: 37.5

Hips: 45.5

L thigh: 26.5

L arm: 13

L calf: 14.5

 

Measurements taken February 22nd:

Chest: 39.25 (-1.75)

Waist: 33.25 (-4.25)

Hips: 43.25 (-2.25)

L thigh: 24 (-2.5)
L arm: 12.25 (-.75)

Current measurements taken March 8th:

Chest: 40 (-1)

Waist: 33 (-4.5)

Hips: 43.5 (-2)

L thigh: 24 (-2.5)

L arm: 12.25 (-.75)

My measurements are pretty close to the same with the exception of gaining in my chest (what the heck is that all about?!) and losing in my waist. I knew they were going to plateau at some point and this may be a good time to switch to taking measurements monthly along with my progress picture and body fat %. I will probably take them again in two weeks and then start taking them monthly starting April 1st.

 

 

Thankful Thursday #1

1. I am thankful that I have a job. My review went really well yesterday and I am thankful that my hard work and dedication was acknowledged and appreciated. I have yet to receive a negative review at my current job and I'm glad that my work ethic was brought up. I take pride in what I do and I go into work and do my absolute best. I go above and beyond what is required of me. Although I go most of the year feeling invisible, it was nice to spend a half hour talking about what an asset to the team I am.

2. I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads. Although we are both antsy to get to the next step and start looking into buying a house, we know that we are doing the responsible thing in waiting. We are so close to paying off debt and we are building up our savings as well. We have goals in mind of when we would like to start looking, so working towards those goals and seeing the progress we are making is part of the process. I think when the time is right we will just know and then the entire process of buying a house will be more fun than stressful.

3. I am thankful that I have a beautiful daughter that reminds me to not take life too seriously. She was getting dressed for school this morning and came out in an outfit that was a complete mix match of patterns and colors. I asked her to change the dress to something else and she started crying. You see, minutes earlier she asked me if she looked pretty in that dress. I responded with "You look beautiful in anything." The combination of the shoes and jacket was what warranted to request for a different outfit. Normally I don't say anything. I let her express her creativity with orange flowered pants and a purple striped shirt. It's just clothing. So I have no idea what made me ask her to change this morning. She came up to me and said "You told me I look pretty in anything." Shame on me for caring what other people will think of her outfit choice. A reminder to take a step back and realize what is important in life.

4. I am thankful that I have today off of work. I have an appointment I'm about to leave for and then am planning on sitting at the DMV for the rest of the afternoon, hopefully getting done before Isabel gets out of school. I have to renew my drivers license and since I've mailed it in the last two times I am required to go in and do an eye test and thumb print. Good thing I have a good book that I am looking forward to making some progress on while I am there. I decided to get it done today instead of waiting for an afternoon appointment and going after work because it's important to be an adult and do errands instead of going shopping on your day off. So I'm thankful for that too.

5. I am thankful that tomorrow is payday. I have really been enjoying our budget and watching where our money is going, including the debts going down and all of our savings going up. It's never fun to watch the money go out when the bills need to be paid, but it's so nice to be in this frame of mind where it's not just money leaving your account but money being used to put a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and other things like electricity and gas. I used to resent paying bills and having minimal money in our account for things like shopping or going out to eat. Instead, my frame of mind has become much more positive and I look forward to getting the bills. Weird.

Daily Menu 3/5/14

Goal: 1500 calories
Exercise: 792 calories

Food: 2142 calories

Net: 1350 calories

Breakfast: (152 calories)
coffee with splenda and sugar free creamer (32)
greek yogurt- strawberry (120)

Snack: (261 calories)
string cheese (50)
granola bar (190)
baby carrots (21)

Lunch: (660 calories)
Chipotle burrito bowl- chicken, brown rice, black beans, lettuce, pico, corn salsa, lettuce, cheese, guacamole (660)

Dinner: (1069 calories)
Domino's pizza- olive (305)
breadstick (340)
cinnamon sticks (170)
wine (254)

Activity: (792 calories)

1.34 mile walk (134)
2.06 mile walk (206)
2.41 mile interval run (241)
NMTZ Challenge (211)

Water: 6 glasses
Fruits & Veggies: 1 serving
Milk: 1 serving

Frozen Birthday Party

To say Isabel loves the movie Frozen is quite an understatement.

In fact, I don't even think obsessed is a good enough word to describe how much she talks about, thinks about, draws and writes about the movie. She has seen the movie three times in the theater, knows every song by heart, has read the 123 page chapter book multiple times, draws pictures of the characters every chance she gets and is constantly asking to have her hair put up in a braid (either one braid on the side to look like Elsa or two braids to look like Anna).

I can't remember the last time I went a day without hearing something Frozen related...

So it would only make sense for me to feed into this obsession of hers and plan a birthday party based around the Frozen theme. And I am doing my absolute best to make it her best birthday party to date. So far I have hit a few speed bumps along the way of finding any party supplies Frozen related. It's a mixture of the stores not having a lot of choices in their Frozen selection as well as the fact that it is a very popular theme right now and a lot of people have the same idea.

I'm Tim Gunn-ing it though and I definitely plan to "make it work". I've found a few things that are Frozen themed, but I am going to be combining that with some solid color items and the image I have in my head looks amazing. I really hope that I am able to decorate the way that I am visioning it.

I know that most likely the party will not turn out the way that I am hoping it does, but I also know that it is going to go above and beyond anything that Isabel can imagine. I have a few tricks up my sleeve that I know she is going to freak out over. Like, seriously.. Someone better have a video camera because it's going to be amazing.

We decided to skip the bouncy house this year for a few reasons and instead we are going to focus more on arts and crafts/games for the kids. We will have a snow flake cutting table, a "Do You Want to Build A Snowman" table where there will be cut out pieces of Olaf for the kids to glue to a piece of paper whatever way they want to, a Pin the Nose on Olaf game and a frame decorating table with snowflake stickers. The frame will be used for something super special and super secret.

We will also have a cake, cupcakes (made by me- they will have blue frosting and snowflakes), marshmallows with sugar on the bottom and a candy table with blue candy (blue rock candy, blue gummy bears, blue taffy and blue M&Ms). The cake will also have Frozen figures on it for her to then take home with her to play with. I did the same thing last year when she was obsessed with The Lion King and it was a big hit.

I am counting down the days along with her and will definitely be sharing pictures after the big day. I honestly don't know who's more excited about this party..