This week.. well it don't not go as well as I had anticipated. But I can't sit here and look at what I should have done differently. Instead I can sit here and look at what I can do better.
The main thing I need to focus on is being nicer to myself. To give myself a break because one day doesn't go as planned. To remember that I'm not perfect and that I am allowed to make mistakes. That I don't need to stress the day before weigh in that I may gain because in the end it all works out the way it is supposed to.
I ended up messaging my weight watcher's leader on Facebook last night because I was ashamed and embarrassed that I may possibly have gained the very first week back. I didn't want to make excuses for it. I overate Saturday in preparation for my half on Sunday. I overate Sunday after the half. I really overate Monday. I gave myself a pass for Saturday and Sunday because even though they were high point days, I tracked them and I ate well. Not great, but not bad.
Monday was another story that could have gone a lot better. I was concerned about coming into the meeting to weigh in to see a higher number than last week. I was concerned that I would be judged.
The only person judging me, was me. And how sad is that?
Especially when I could have given myself the benefit of the doubt because this is what happened:
So I stressed about nothing. I need to let go and trust the process and remember that one bad day (even if it is the day before weigh in) is not going to dictate the entire journey. My week started over today. I started over with another 49 weekly points and have only used 4. I've already earned 6 activity points. It's been a good start to a new week and I am going to keep this positive outlook because it is the only way I will see success. And by success I mean even on the weeks that I gain.
We talked about "anchors" at tonight's meeting. Something that will keep us focused and on track when we face a challenge. As the weekly states- "It can be almost anything- an object, a memory, an aroma, a saying, a gesture- that's easy to access." Our leader wants us to use our anchor this week to keep from drifting back to those undesired behaviors.
My undesired behavior is stress eating. My anchor is running (whatever that means in the moment). It could be the feeling I have when I complete a race or a goal that I've put a lot of work into or it could be the desire I have to run at a lower weight because it will be easier on my mind and on my body (especially my knees).
Did you know... For every 1 pound you lose you lose 4 pounds of pressure on your knees? That's according to my leader as well. I've already taken 4 pounds off of my knee and it is exciting to think of what it's going to feel like as I continue to lose.
Another thing we discussed is where we've come over the past 6 months. Most of the people in my meeting have been there awhile, some for many years. I spoke up tonight and said that over the past 6+ months (more realistic to say the past 3 years) I have been starting over daily on my own with a "fake it until you make it" mentality. Then it clicked for me that I know what works and I need to suck it up and get back to that.
That's why I rejoined. It is what I've always known I've needed.
I ended up saying that the important thing for me to do now is to let go of the past. To stop thinking about the fact that I was at goal at one point in my life. To stop comparing myself to who I was back then and to treat this as it's own separate brand new journey. I am not who I was 3 years ago. I've grown as a person and so many amazing things have happened since then.
In the past 3 years I have become: a wife, a step mom, a runner, a homeowner and so much more. All exciting things that I am proud of. In that same span of time I've gained 30 pounds (give or take). You know what's important? The things that I have become.
And yet all I've been focusing on is the weight.
That's going to change. Because there is so much more to me than that number.
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