Mountains 2 Beach Half Marathon- Race #6 of 14

Race morning started early, as most race morning start. My alarm went off just after 3am and I woke up startled with the fear that the alarm had been going off for awhile.

Thankfully, I had enough time to get up and get my things together. I had already set most of my things out the night before, but I just needed to put a few things together before heading outside to be picked up at 4am.

Unfortunately I wasn't going to be picked up because I had read the text message wrong and I was supposed to be picking Rachel up. We got it all figured out though and didn't waste any time to get to the shuttles.

Our shuttle time was 5:15am, however we were able to get on an earlier bus since we were already there. The start line was a short ways away from where we were dropped off so we made the walk to the start line.

The one good thing about the start line was the number of port-o-potties. There were more than enough and it was nice to not have to wait in line or worry that you wouldn't make it to the start.

Rachel and I started talking about the plan for the next 13.1 miles. We decided that since training hadn't gone quite as planned this past month we would extend our walking intervals and do 30:130. It actually worked out really well and we were able to maintain our pace and use this half as a training run for the Mammoth Half Marathon next month. There was no pressure to finish in a certain amount of time.

The run wasn't awful, however there wasn't much to look at on the course. Apparently the first half of the marathon course is where the views are, but since we start at the halfway point of that course we got the industrial views for almost all of our course. Thankfully it was mostly flat and relatively easy to complete.

I strive to be better about race recaps. To give detail and be witty about the things that happen along the course. The things I think or feel or see. That doesn't seem interesting though, at least not when I type it out. So instead, as always, I leave you with pictures from the race and of the course.

 

 

Our finishing time was 3:00:12, which was right on track for what we planned to do. A long distance training run for us means a pace of a 13:30-14:30 minute mile and we were consistently around a 14 minute mile.

 

The only concern I had before, during and after the race was the pain I was feeling in my hip. I've been experiencing some discomfort for about a week now, but it wasn't as bad as it was race day morning. By the end of the race, and after the drive home, it was a little difficult to walk. Ice, rest and a massage made it better by this morning. There's still a dull ache, but I am not as concerned about it as I was yesterday.

 

It will be something I pay attention to though. I am definitely one to tell others to listen to their bodies. Especially those who are thinking about starting a running streak. Listen to your body. Don't push it too far. And then here I am with a potential injury and what did I do tonight? Well I went out to continue my streak..

 

Mammoth is the next half on schedule. It will be the halfway point to this years running goal. I cannot begin to express my excitement for this next race. It will be in my favorite place that I have been and the sights during the course are going to be breathtaking. I am slightly concerned about the elevation as we will not have an opportunity to train in high elevation beforehand. We are going up a few days before the race and will be able to run a few miles in order to help us get used to it, but I know it may not be enough. But, if we walk the whole thing then we walk the whole thing. I'm just so happy that I get this opportunity.

What Can I Say...

I've missed this.

The blogging. Journaling. Spilling my deepest thoughts out onto a white screen for people to read about. The positives. The negatives. The good, bad and ugly. The successes. The failures.

Everything.

I have not been keeping up with my goals. I have not been keeping up with my weight loss. In fact the only thing I have been consistently doing is running (and the bare minimum at that) and stressing.

It's been two weeks since I've had anything to say. There are a few reasons for this. Stress, no time, nothing interesting to say, embarrassment, shame, etc. I felt like a dog who had misbehaved and knew it was going to be scolded so I come back with my tail between my legs to explain, share and plan.

Yet again I have to admit to not just you, but to myself that I bit off more than I could chew. It's amazing that I can easily tell someone else to take it one day at a time, to pick one goal and work on only that before adding something else, to make it livable and to not take on more than you can realistically do for the long run and then do the complete opposite myself and expect it all to work out.

I tried to do too much and my focus began to shift from a healthy lifestyle to obsessing about the scale and all that nonsense. It was like something changed and I was finding myself sliding back into that negative mentality. The name calling, the fear, the negativity washed over me and I knew that if I didn't make a change soon then it would be the beginning of a very dark path.

A lot has been happening these past two weeks. Mostly fun, some not so fun. I have allowed stress from one area of my life seep into and affect other areas. What is supposed to be a fun and exciting time of buying a house has been overshadowed by this darkness and it has been the cause of a few breakdowns that I am not proud of.

You see, our house buying experience has been relatively uneventful. We decided the time was right to begin the journey, we saw a few houses and then we found the one. It all happened so quickly that my fear of losing the one was intense and it took me awhile to post a picture and share my excitement because I thought that I would be jinxing it.

 



















Since then it has been packing and signing documents. Some stress has come up from this experience as we start thinking about money and the increase of expenses with buying a house, but I tell myself that we have made the budget and although it will be tight until we hit our groove we will make it work. Communication is key during this process, especially with money and the first couple of months are going to be trial and error.

But a tear or two has been shed. Some of them due to us not being further ahead in our packing, but most being caused by my body. When I get stressed, I eat. It's not something I'm proud of but it is a fact. And boy have I been stressed these past two (or more..) weeks. This dark (40+ hour a week) force has been draining and all I can do is try to "Elsa" it.. aka, let it go. It's so much easier said than done though and only time will tell if my efforts are worth it. It's difficult feeling unacknowledged and unappreciated though...

The stress eating caused a pause in my weight loss attempt and some reflection on what I needed in order to see success. I'm not sure why it took me so long this time around, but I finally found my way back to where I need to be.

 

 

I have seen success with Weight Watchers and every time I end up thinking I can do it on my own. Each time I come back with more weigh than the time before. It's embarrassing, but here we go again. To be honest I have a really good feeling about this. I know that meetings are what I need. I have the support of my family and friends, but the meetings are where I am able to get the accountability that I need. I can ask questions and participate. Most importantly, there is someone there to look at and make suggestions on my menu so that I can see success.

What stuck out to me the most was the leader saying that losing weight is 95% in the kitchen. And I agree that this is where I have the most difficulty, which is probably why I'm not seeing a lot of success. For whatever reason I find that I have a lot of anxiety when I am in the kitchen. Heck, I have a lot of anxiety thinking about being in the kitchen. I wish I knew why, but at this point I'm not going to question the why but instead focus on the how. How I'm going to get over it and start to be comfortable.

Until then I'm going to make the best choices in the kitchen and continue to run to workout. My running streak is still going strong and although I might not reach my goal for 105 miles this month I'm doing my best to get there or as close as possible. I have a half marathon this coming Sunday and then next month is the half marathon I am looking forward to the most for this year, the Mammoth Half Marathon.

I'm really looking forward to finding the right balance between being a runner and being a healthy weight. I'm also looking forward to getting back to a better mental place with so many areas of my life- running, weight, work, home, money, moving, etc. It's all falling into place and I'm making the right steps to get there.

I've got this.

What I've Been Up To & Weigh In #2

So, I restarted my weight loss journey last week and here we are and nothing has changed.

I gave into temptation. I lost motivation. I stopped caring.

I am in a one track mind frame and although my head and my heart both want to lose weight, get in shape and be all around a healthier person, my head and my heart are both also focused on something much more exciting.

We are buying a house!!!

It's happening very fast and it's all a little stressful, but so rewarding and I absolutely cannot wait until escrow closes on June 2nd. I have been waiting until certain things happened before posting pictures of the house or really allowing myself to get too excited just in case, but after a good inspection and being approved I am happy to present what will soon be our home...

At this point in the journey we are doing a lot of this:

I have also been doing some shopping for some furniture we are going to need as well as some decorating items we may not need but will look nice. I know that it is all going to come together perfectly. I cannot wait to post before/after pictures and to make it ours.

I've also been doing some crafting in order to make it more "us". I made the following today: 

And I've been thinking of doing this for awhile, but finally got around to starting the process. It's not complete yet, but Patrick will be finishing it up before we move so that it can go up in our room. I took the window that we used as our seating chart at our wedding, enlarged to poster size our favorite picture from our wedding and put the two together:

 

Well, that's what's going on in my personal life. As for weight loss...

Starting weight: 183.2

Current weight: 182

Height: 5'9"
Healthy weight range: 125.3-169.3
Goal weight: 160
Healthy BMI range: 18.5-25
Starting BMI: 27.8
Current BMI: 26.9
Starting body fat %: 29.4%
Current body fat%: 27.8%

I'm happy with the loss the week, however it definitely does not reflect my eating or exercise. I'm not sure that I earned the 1.2 pound loss and I do not intend to make what happened this past week the norm for me. I now eventually it will catch up..

I'm not going to pretend to make excuses for what happened this week. I had no self control at all and I'm actually pretty embarrassed by it. But that's the beauty of weigh in day. I'm cleaning the slate and looking at this week as a week to improve myself instead of worry about what happened last week.

It's going to be a good week too. A lot going on.

Week One

You do what you have to do in order to find success. For me that means writing down what works and what doesn't work to look back on at some point to see similarities and hopefully make changes at some point to show progress. If I have a good week I can look and see what worked well. If I have a bad week I can look and see what didn't work well and what I could work on.

Weigh in is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it no matter what the scale says only because I'm using this as an opportunity to learn along the way.

What worked:
1. Not stressing about knowing/not knowing the nutritional information.
2. Giving a meal a realistic amount of calories when I don't know the nutritional information, watch portions, enjoy it and move on.
3. Pushing through a run (the first mile or two are always the most difficult for me).

4. Having a running streak to force me to get out for at least one mile.

5. Tracking. Even when going over by over 1,000 calories.
6. Packing. Surprisingly giving me a distraction.

What didn't work:
1. Going to lunch at a restaurant that I don't know the nutritional information for.
2. Not going for my scheduled walks at work.

3. Stress. 

4. Pizza for dinner two nights in a row.

5. A cranky child.
6. PMS
7. Going over by 1,000 calories and feeling like the week is over.
8. Not tracking.
9. Daily weighing.
10. Not drinking enough water.
11. Not blogging.
12. More stress.
13. Not sleeping well.
14. Negative self talk.
15. Not going grocery shopping.

The lists could go on and on and on. But I'm glad that I wrote them down. It helps me to see that what I'm doing that doesn't work is a lot more than what I'm doing that does work. I'm not giving myself the tools I need to succeed.

I need more positivity. More structure. More groceries in the refrigerator. More motivation.

Less stress.

It's a lot easier said than done. For all of it. Especially when your head and your heart are not in it 100%. I wish I could find that motivation I started with. I wish it would carry me through. I wish that the results were visible so that it felt like I was actually making a difference on a day to day basis. Obviously I can't have everything I wish for so I'm going to have to fake it until I make it.

I'm not sure what to anticipate for tomorrow. I weighed in daily and my weight fluctuated a lot:
183.2
182.4
183.0
181.2
182.0
182.8
181.8

It goes to show you that daily weighing is only beneficial when you look at it over a bigger span of time. Seeing it on the day to day is not an accurate picture. But, we shall see what happens. And hope that next week I can show more self control.

Photo a Day- April

April 1st: (iPhone)

April 2nd: (iPhone) 

April 3rd: (iPhone) 

April 4th: (iPhone)

April 5th: (iPhone) 

April 6th: (iPhone)

April 7th: (iPhone)

April 8th: (iPhone) 

April 9th: (iPhone) 

April 10th: (iPhone)

April 11th: (iPhone)

April 12th: (iPhone)

April 13th: (iPhone)

April 14th: (iPhone)

April 15th: (iPhone)

April 16th: (iPhone)

April 17th: (iPhone)

April 18th: (iPhone) 

April 19th: (iPhone)

April 20th: (iPhone)

April 21st: (iPhone)

April 22nd: (iPhone)

April 23rd: (iPhone)

April 24th: (iPhone)

April 25th: (iPhone) 

April 26th: (iPhone)

April 27th: (iPhone)

April 28th: (iphone)

April 29th: (iPhone) 

April 30th: (iPhone)

April and May Goals

1.      Write in a journal every day: Fail. I don't know why.
2.       Take at least one picture a day: Success. Post coming soon!
3.       Run and/or walk 105 miles: Success. I ended the month with 106.42 miles.
4.       Run at least one mile every day to continue running streak: Success. Day 192 was yesterday and I'm so excited to have stuck with this streak for so long!
5.       Track on MFP: Success/Fail. I started each day with good intentions and tracked everything most days, but the last few days have been a minimum attempt.
6.       Read two books: Fail. I didn't even finish the first one. I've got a lot of reading to do in May!

 

1.       Have at least one child free date night with Patrick: We went to see The Price is Right being taped and had such a fantastic time together. It was a really great day!
2.       Work on blanket: Barely, but I did some work on it.
3.       Work on cross stitch: I am not as far as I thought I'd be or as far as I'd like to be, but I've worked on it in my spare time and it's coming along. Still a little worried that it's not going to look like what it should though.
4.       Work on coloring book: I did not really do much of anything to progress with this goal.
5.       Look into cake decorating classes: I looked online once, but made no further attempt to schedule anything.
6.       Stick to workouts as much as possible: I did really well in the middle of the month and for two weeks in particular when I was doing Body Revolution. Unfortunately it just got to be too much.

May Goals:
1. Write in a journal every day
2. Take at least one picture a day
3. Run and/or walk 105 miles
4. Run at least one mile every day to continue running streak
5. Track on MFP
6. Read 3 books and finish Three Weeks With My Brother

1. Have a wonderful time at the Ingrid Michaelson concert with Patrick
2. Work on cross stitch
3. Try to not obsess over buying a house
4. Get back on track with chore chart
5. Weigh less on May 31st than I do today on May 1st

Weigh In #1

It's time to refresh my weight loss history and attempt this again with a brand new start. There will be no looking back, only forward from this point on.

 

But in all seriousness..

I'm taking it slow and steady at first, focusing mainly on the good healthy guidelines set forth by Weight Watchers. I will be tracking, running, drinking 6+ glasses of water, eating more fruits & veggies, eating more protein, choosing whole grains and taking a multi-vitamin. I am not making weekly goals at this point other than to consistently track, make healthy choices and eat smaller portions.

I have a tendency to focus on too much at once and I just end up stopping everything at once because it gets too overwhelming. I need to start with the basics and add a little at a time when I start to get the hang of things.

I mentioned before the things that I'm going to start with. I can't quite running because of my streak (and my love for it), but I am going to focus more on what I eat than on strength training right now. I think that will help with seeing success on the scale before I start working on toning.

I'm tired of starting over. I'm tired of not seeing success. I know that I can do this, but that's the thing.. I have to actual do it. I have to put in the work in order to see the results and I'm just not putting my all into it because it's too easy to be lazy and to give into temptation. I'm done trying to make this work, I'm ready to just do it already.

Starting weight: 183.2

Height: 5'9"
Healthy weight range: 125.3-169.3
Goal weight: 160
Healthy BMI range: 18.5-25
Current BMI: 27.8
Current body fat %: 29.4%

Starting measurements as of 5/1/14
Bust- 40
Waist- 34
Hips- 44
L thigh- 23.5
R thigh- 23.5

L arm- 12.25
R arm- 12.75

Starting pictures as of 5/1/14
Front

Side

Side

Back

I'm going to put my all into it. I want to be able to stop starting over. I want to reach my goal. I know I can and I truly don't know what's been preventing me. I am a self saboteur, but at what point do I allow myself to just let it happen without sabotaging myself or going to one extreme or the other. I can sit here and make excuses or I can get up and make it happen.