But sometimes I need to get away.
It's not because I don't love her, it's not because being a mom is stressful. It's because sometimes I just need some "me" time. It took me way too long to realize that it's okay to fit in that time for myself as well as be a good mom. It also took me too long to realize that I am good mom.
From my experience, a child does not do this to their dad the way that they do it to their mom. It's the best and most demanding job in the world. I would never trade it for anything, however there are days that I get stressed out and hearing the word mom said 109,765,434,567,898,765,432 times in a 10 minute period of time is exhausting.
I sometimes need to decompress and get away for a small amount of time in order to not allow the stress I feel build up. I'm not perfect and I have more than once taken my daily stress out on Isabel and Patrick by losing my patience and raising my voice. What I try to do in these moments (try being the operative word) is hold it in and when I go for my run or my workout at the gym I let it out there.
Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. But more often than not when I get home I am gratefully greeted by Isabel with a hug and a kiss. It almost seems like seeing me is extra special. I love being greeted that way and I am going to miss the day when she is too cool to be seen around me. Thankfully that's years away. At least I hope I am able to have that time.
I love my daughter. That is a given and something that will never change. But in recent years I have discovered that I love me, too. And I'm allowed to treat myself to the things I like.
I like working out and I love running. These are things that I do in my "me" time. Yes, occasionally I will go get a pedicure or craft or do something else with that free time, but usually I use it to workout and I'm happy with that decision.
In order to get the most out of my day I find that if I am able to (depending on Patrick's schedule and how I slept the night before) wake up early and go to the gym before work then I feel less guilty about going every day. I know that I am not going while they are awake and it just makes me feel less guilty about wanting to go. But, even on the days that I do go after work I know that I am doing something positive for myself and in turn providing positive examples for Isabel.
My gym time is my time with myself. I feel better when I'm able to get a workout in and I'm usually in a better mood, so when I hear the word "mom" a bazillion times in one day I'm usually happy about it. It's nice to know that I can go and do these things (like run and go to the gym) without needing to feel guilty. I'm not choosing myself over my family, I'm just choosing to include my needs and wants with theirs.
And it feels so much better to be in this frame of mind.
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